Chp 1: The beginning
It was that moment, you know the one where I was born and the nurse held me up to show mother, that I first experienced female praise and admiration. From that second I knew that I was destined to be a star, looked up to by each and every single female that existed on this tiny planet that we call "Earth".
Chp 2: My first steps
That immoral woman that calls herself my mother placed me into playschool before I had even so much as heard of a fringe which obviously outraged me. Here in playschool I learnt many things, such as my musical talent and artistic skills that lead me to become the superbeast i am now. Meow.
Chp 3: A gift from God
I met God when I was 14, mother and the lesser beings call him "Usher" but that mere, puny, American nickname does nothing for him. I taught him all I know and his past and so-called minions decided that his new material is shit. We made a song together, well I say together but he was just in the video and he let me borrow his house and paid some kid to be my friend. The song went "I'ma tell ron one time that i love dan" over and over again and the attention on me SOARRRRRRRRRED. All over the globe girls and women saw my newly grown fringe and began converting their faiths to... McBeiberism.
Chp 4: Cults
These, McBeiberists, were my followers, my minions, my sheep and also my friends. When I get on that huge stage to show them the vocal talent I have they go crazy, sometimes getting naked to throw underwear at me. This is usually the part where mother covers my eyes and slaps the bitch for me. I just realised that I have no dad, I shall tell you why. My mother... Is the reincarnated form of the virgin mary..
THE END
Please note that McBeiber can only remember these few extracts of his life story due to his past addiction to cocaine, heroine and meowmeow, he was high on crack and methodrone as he composed this. And also because he is really only eight years of age. The following 160 pages are left blank for you to draw pictures of you marrying Chartin. Please enjoy.
The most fantastic piece autobiography I've ever had the pleasure of reading
ReplyDeleteBeing the number one McBeiberist, I'd like to thank you for the joy you have brought to my lifee
You were destined for stardom, as the great Bill Shakeyspeare once wrote
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them"
You, my most talented McBeiber, have all three
From Surrey with love,
Ron and Dan
<3
Roffel, this is too good
ReplyDeleteThank you thank you
ReplyDelete